Forever is a long time. With divorce rates being so high, having a relationship last a quarter century — even if it ends in separation — goes in the “win” column.
Here’s hoping that decades from now, our mutually saggy bodies are still fondling each other in the shower. See, I love her and wish to never be without her.
Women are often told they need to change to please men, and I’m a man, so before you send the hate mail, please understand that I’m merely providing insight into the male mindset. You get to decide if any of this advice is worth following.
This won’t apply for every guy, but there are some fairly universal truths herein, so pick and choose what you think works for you, if you’re looking to have a man keep loving you until you’re both old enough to wear pajamas all day and complain about the government full-time.
1. Praise his man-hood — often.
There are guys who actually do exist who don’t get off on being told their junk is more amazing than cookie dough ice cream. They’re about as common as a full set of teeth in a meth lab. It doesn’t matter how many or what kind of pen*ses you’ve had before — you need to love his and think it’s just amazing and that his ability to use said man-hood is equally amazing.
This doesn’t need to be over-the-top or continuous, but occasional reminders that you’re overly fond of his junk is the mental equivalent of being wrapped in a warm blanket while sitting in front of the fire and sipping hot chocolate with Bailey’s Irish Cream in it.
2. Make a contribution to your relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with being a homemaker; it’s a damn tough job to raise kids and keep the house in order. It’s making a contribution. You can also make a contribution by making money. Hell, it’s even OK if you make more money that he does. A guy who is put off by a woman making more than he does isn’t worth having. I mean, who wouldn’t want a spouse who was raking in the cash? An insecure idiot, that’s who.
Bring something to the relationship that makes life easier for both of you, whether that’s looking after finances, generating income, or shoving food into faces of hungry offspring. And don’t feel the need to follow stereotypical gender norms either. Bob Dylan was right: the times, they are a changin’. As an example, my wife takes care of the money and I do all the cooking.
3. Take pride in looking nice for him.
No need to starve yourself or CrossFit until you puke. You can forego surgical nipping and tucking as well. However, there’s merit in taking some basic pride in your appearance to look nice for him (and for yourself). You should expect him to do the same as well.
And it’s not just about looking nice for each other, but engaging in mutually supportive healthy behaviors. Get some exercise, eat mostly good food, and you’ll be happier, hornier and less likely to get a debilitating disease before your time.
4. Set the bar high.
You should expect your man to be a good man. Put him on a bit of a pedestal and expect him to live up to your vision of who you see him as. Make him strive. Make him work for your love and adoration.
This doesn’t mean playing mind games like making him think, “I’ll leave you if you don’t live up to my expectations.” It’s about giving him support and encouragement to be the best man he can be. When he understands that his success is at least in part due to your faith in him, he won’t want to imagine life without you.
5. Go easy on the nagging.
Let’s be realistic. I won’t say, “Don’t nag” because everybody nags a little, regardless of gender. But if you can try and curtail it, this will help because people hate that sh*t.
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