Seems a bit intense, yeah? But everybody going through any kind of 12-step program will tell you that an abrupt end is better than weaning yourself out of it slowly. You could block them on Facebook but you’re still bound to see what they’re up to through your mutual friends.
If you think you’re strong enough to withstand that – go ahead – but never ever ever…EVER think that it’s a good idea to just take “a sneak peek” at how they’re doing because you are such a civilized ex. Whatever. This person ruined you and broke your heart and you are allowed to be uncivilized. UNFRIEND THE HEATHEN!
2. A Lot.
I am of the mind that the earlier on you can get over your pain the better. There is no use pretending like you’re okay when you’re obviously not. In fact, pretending you’re okay could potentially backfire on you further down the road than you expect. It’s easy to ignore your feelings, we do it all the time when we watch tear jerker ads on YouTube and don’t want the boss to catch us shedding a tear during office hours. But the damage these suckers can do to you when you hold on to them instead of crying them out is immeasurable.
3. Have The Self-Discipline To Allow Yourself To Wallow Only For A Maximum Of 3 Days
Given, you are allowed to cry like a baby but only for a limited time. Most people only really need 2-3 days of wallowing. The ACTUAL pain caused by your horrible breakup should last no longer than 3 days.
You know what prolongs pain? – Your thoughts.
Yes, after the three day mark, your responsibility over your own feelings officially starts. Your ex can no longer hurt you, especially if you’ve broken all contact. This means that any pain you are feeling is because you are thinking about the breakup and about the negative things that go with it.
It also doesn’t help that you’ve had both Adele and Sam Smith on replay for the last couple of days. Let your feelings of grief die a natural death. Stop resuscitating them by feeding gasoline to the fire.
4. Meditate
One of the best ways to get over a horrible breakup is to meditate – or walk the dog, clean your room, clean your house, even your neighbor’s house! Just do anything and everything in your power to stop all the wallowing and afford yourself some time to not think about the loser even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day. And if you can’t survive 15 minutes of not thinking about your ex, try 5 minutes or 2 minutes. The whole point is that you should be making a conscious effort to NOT think about the person.
5. Do A 30 Day Ex-Lover Cleanse
We’re not suggesting you go through a literal cleanse. What we mean is that you should avoid all types of contact (sexual contact especially) for at least 30 days. The first 30 days of any break up are wrought with grief and confusion. Even if you did want to communicate with them, you really aren’t in a mental and emotional position to be engaging somebody who broke your heart or whose heart you broke. Wait for at least 30 days. Wait for the dust to settle and for some sort of clarity to develop within you.
And you know very well that this meeaaaans…
6. You Can’t Be Friends With Your Ex. We Mean It.
Seriously. Trying to befriend an ex too soon, or ever, is really just asking for it. You are still technically physically and emotionally attracted to this person. That’s the reason why you got together in the first place and the reason why you are so affected by your breakup. Do yourself a favor and declare your ex persona non grata in your life for the next few decades or so.
7. Be Okay With Where You Are
You’ve probably deduced by now that tough love is our weapon of choice. But we’re here to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to be wherever you are emotionally. You’re going to want to call them. You’re still going to be in love with them for a while and that’s alright. But you don’t have to be stupid. You don’t have to keep selling yourself short just because you’re still hung up on them. Give yourself time to heal and accept that wherever you are is acceptable.
You have to be kind and patient with yourself just like you would be with a friend who is going through the same thing.
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